Frost, Ice and Snow, Man

Northeast Ohio's deep freeze continues today. When I woke up, the thermometer (actually, the automated Time and Temp voice guy) said it was 7 degrees below zero. Ouch!

Paying homage to all things frigid, here's a song parody I wrote last month, a.k.a. the good old days of December when the temperatures were an unseasonably warm 50 degrees.

Frost, Ice and Snow, Man
(to the tune of "Frosty the Snowman")

Frost, ice and snow, man,
Can turn jolly happy souls
Into lunatics who will flip their lids
When out of their drives they pull.

Frost, ice and snow, man,
Are not fairy tales, okay?
When you shovel snow
In the blowing cold
You'll be frozen for all day.

There must have been some moisture
In the arctic air that night
For when we woke up the next day
Road conditions were a fright.

Frost, ice and snow, man,
Are a drag as you can see.
When you start the car
Know you won't go far,
Before you slide right off the street.

Frost, ice and snow, man,
Kill your batteries all day.
So your car won't run
Forget having fun
While your savings melt away.

Down in the village
All the snowplows became stuck
Sliding here and there all around the square
All the drivers just said, "_ _ _ _!" *

If you venture down the streets of town
Avoid the traffic cop
He'll write you out a ticket when
You roll through a sign marked "STOP."

Frost, ice and snow, man,
Make me long for summertime
When the temps are warm
And the girls' forms
In bikinis all look fine.

* For the politically correct, substitute:
"All the drivers called tow trucks."