Maybe they're just urban legends, but I've always heard stories about parents rushing children to the emergency room after they've swallowed small toys or pieces of toys. Little green army men, plastic beads, costume jewelry -- anything small enough to get down their throats becomes grist for the youthful digestive mill.
Usually, doctors adopt a wait and see attitude. After all, the piece has to come out sometime, and often does no harm while doing so. A recent episode of the Fox series "House" had the good doctor sticking a knife to the outside of a kid's tummy after the kid swallowed a refrigerator magnet.
Anyway, one of the most common "swallows" are the ubiquitous Legos, those colorful building blocks (kid DNA, almost) of the prepubescent set. They're small, attractively colored, and probably awfully tempting to a hungry toddler whose mom has told him he'll just have to wait for lunch.
So can I be the only person in the world who thinks it's a bad idea that somebody has decided to make Lego fruit snacks? I saw them on my supermarket shelf this week. They look just like Legos, but edible. (Well, at least as edible as those gummy little hunks of sugar can be.)
Doesn't it seem extraordinarily stupid to encourage kids to eat something that looks so similar to something they really shouldn't eat?
Leggo my Lego ... or something like that.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Watch that bleep
I read recently that an overzealous, inexperienced censor cut all instances of the word “God” out of an in-flight version of the movie “The Queen,” believing references to the deity, even in lines like, “God rest his soul,” to be expletives.
Hey, it might have offended somebody, yes?
I'm reminded of a recent song by a band called Panic at the Disco. A radio-edited version of their popular single omits the word "God" from "Goddamn," but leaves the "damn" intact. Odd.
When one starts slicing with the censor's blade, anything can happen. Leave it all in, I say, and trust the audience to steer clear of material it finds offensive. We don't need Big Brother to do it for us.
Hey, it might have offended somebody, yes?
I'm reminded of a recent song by a band called Panic at the Disco. A radio-edited version of their popular single omits the word "God" from "Goddamn," but leaves the "damn" intact. Odd.
When one starts slicing with the censor's blade, anything can happen. Leave it all in, I say, and trust the audience to steer clear of material it finds offensive. We don't need Big Brother to do it for us.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Pregnancy sells
File this under "Things that make you go hmmm."
An expectant mother in Chicago wants to trade ad space on her swollen tummy in exchange for two tickets to the Super Bowl.
According to the Associated Press, Jennifer Gordon's online advertisement reads, "I will agree to have your message painted on my belly visible to Super Bowl attendees and the millions of fans around the world who watch."
Now, call me old fashioned (call me anything you want, but just don't call me late to dinner), but is nothing sacred anymore? It seems to me that a mom-to-be's belly should be exempt from reading "Eat at Joe's" or "Valvoline" or "BOGO at Giant Eagle this week."
What's next? Expectant mothers promising to name their children after McDonald's or Nike in exchange for college scholarships? Trading tattoos on one's forehead for a house?
I guess you could see Gordon as an entrepreneur, and this is one way she can get to the Big Game for free, but it's kind of sad, all the same. Sadder still, she has about 45 offers -- and counting.
Hopefully, she won't have to paint a coupon on her stomach.
An expectant mother in Chicago wants to trade ad space on her swollen tummy in exchange for two tickets to the Super Bowl.
According to the Associated Press, Jennifer Gordon's online advertisement reads, "I will agree to have your message painted on my belly visible to Super Bowl attendees and the millions of fans around the world who watch."
Now, call me old fashioned (call me anything you want, but just don't call me late to dinner), but is nothing sacred anymore? It seems to me that a mom-to-be's belly should be exempt from reading "Eat at Joe's" or "Valvoline" or "BOGO at Giant Eagle this week."
What's next? Expectant mothers promising to name their children after McDonald's or Nike in exchange for college scholarships? Trading tattoos on one's forehead for a house?
I guess you could see Gordon as an entrepreneur, and this is one way she can get to the Big Game for free, but it's kind of sad, all the same. Sadder still, she has about 45 offers -- and counting.
Hopefully, she won't have to paint a coupon on her stomach.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Halfway is no consolation
Here's an excerpt from my weekly printed column, which appears every Thursday in The Alliance Review:
I hate “half,” even though it gives many people comfort.
Folks who say they are halfway finished with a project or halfway through the school year or about half done cleaning the house drive me nuts. I hate hearing I am halfway to retirement or halfway through the workweek, too.
As if reaching the midpoint of anything is a milestone.
My hackles rise at the mention of half because whether you are happy or unhappy with what you are doing, the realization that you have as much behind you as before you is a letdown.
An example: Lately, my wife and I have been hitting the gym daily. Of course, we are not literally hitting it, although the thought of doing violence to a place where I exert myself so frequently has crossed my mind. If I were to do it any real damage, rest assured it would be with my car, not my fist.
If you want to read the rest, pony up your 50 cents at a news box or area store. You'll get all the day's news, too. What a bargain!
I hate “half,” even though it gives many people comfort.
Folks who say they are halfway finished with a project or halfway through the school year or about half done cleaning the house drive me nuts. I hate hearing I am halfway to retirement or halfway through the workweek, too.
As if reaching the midpoint of anything is a milestone.
My hackles rise at the mention of half because whether you are happy or unhappy with what you are doing, the realization that you have as much behind you as before you is a letdown.
An example: Lately, my wife and I have been hitting the gym daily. Of course, we are not literally hitting it, although the thought of doing violence to a place where I exert myself so frequently has crossed my mind. If I were to do it any real damage, rest assured it would be with my car, not my fist.
If you want to read the rest, pony up your 50 cents at a news box or area store. You'll get all the day's news, too. What a bargain!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
NCLB: Proceed with Caution
Take out all the clapping and standing, standing and clapping, and President Bush's State of the Union address Tuesday night can be read in minutes.
Early on in the proceedings, after he and Madame Speaker Nancy Palosi had finished their delicate dance and compliment session (in opposition to the stark words they've bandied about in the press), Bush began to air his laundry list of changes.
Among them, he urged Congress to re-authorize the No Child Left Behind law, which has proven to be one of the largest unfunded mandates in the history of education.
While Bush cited rising test scores as proof that NCLB works, I have a different take. Test scores are going up because schools are teaching to the test, keenly aware that failure to do so will result in loss of funding and severe sanctions that will make the job of educating America's schoolchildren even more difficult.
It would be different if everything a child needed to know for future success was included on these tests. But it isn't. What America's teachers (I am one) are doing is creating a generation of kids who know how to take pencil and paper exams, but who are just as woefully unprepared for the challenges of higher education and the workforce, where creative thinking and independent problem solving are requirements, as past generations.
What the tests have "proven" is what any thinking person already knew: Students in affluent school districts outperform students in poorer districts. There are many reasons why this is so, and they, like the results, are self-evident.
And while Bush never uttered the word "vouchers," his call to make it easier for kids to transfer out of low-performing schools and districts is exactly that: the voucher program, similar if not identical to the one Ohio legislators keep trying to ram down our throats, despite overwhelming evidence that our kids and parents don't want it.
Allowing kids to transfer out of these so-called "low performing" buildings means that such schools will operate with even smaller revenues than before, making it that much more difficult for them to reach arbitrary federal goals for improvement.
Bush urged Congress to re-authorize. Let's hope members take a long hard look at modifications that need to be made before forcing kids into further rounds of senseless, high-stakes testing, and districts into another cycle of punitive, unfair sanctions for failing to meet the mark.
For more about how an emphasis on testing is failing our kids, read "In Schools We Trust" by Deborah Meier and "Schools Without Failure" by William Glasser. Too bad our politicians haven't read them.
Early on in the proceedings, after he and Madame Speaker Nancy Palosi had finished their delicate dance and compliment session (in opposition to the stark words they've bandied about in the press), Bush began to air his laundry list of changes.
Among them, he urged Congress to re-authorize the No Child Left Behind law, which has proven to be one of the largest unfunded mandates in the history of education.
While Bush cited rising test scores as proof that NCLB works, I have a different take. Test scores are going up because schools are teaching to the test, keenly aware that failure to do so will result in loss of funding and severe sanctions that will make the job of educating America's schoolchildren even more difficult.
It would be different if everything a child needed to know for future success was included on these tests. But it isn't. What America's teachers (I am one) are doing is creating a generation of kids who know how to take pencil and paper exams, but who are just as woefully unprepared for the challenges of higher education and the workforce, where creative thinking and independent problem solving are requirements, as past generations.
What the tests have "proven" is what any thinking person already knew: Students in affluent school districts outperform students in poorer districts. There are many reasons why this is so, and they, like the results, are self-evident.
And while Bush never uttered the word "vouchers," his call to make it easier for kids to transfer out of low-performing schools and districts is exactly that: the voucher program, similar if not identical to the one Ohio legislators keep trying to ram down our throats, despite overwhelming evidence that our kids and parents don't want it.
Allowing kids to transfer out of these so-called "low performing" buildings means that such schools will operate with even smaller revenues than before, making it that much more difficult for them to reach arbitrary federal goals for improvement.
Bush urged Congress to re-authorize. Let's hope members take a long hard look at modifications that need to be made before forcing kids into further rounds of senseless, high-stakes testing, and districts into another cycle of punitive, unfair sanctions for failing to meet the mark.
For more about how an emphasis on testing is failing our kids, read "In Schools We Trust" by Deborah Meier and "Schools Without Failure" by William Glasser. Too bad our politicians haven't read them.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Mars Attacks!
One of the neatest things about the Internet is it allows material to be published that might never see the light of day otherwise.
For example, an interview I had with Len Brown has been rotting on my hard drive for five years -- until today. Brown was one of the guiding forces behind MARS ATTACKS, a 55-card trading set released in 1962 by Topps, the company famous for baseball cards.
MARS ATTACKS rocketed to notoriety by featuring painted depictions of a brutal alien invasion. Some of the images were pretty strong stuff for a set of cards aimed at kids, and after some backlash from the public, Topps abandoned its plans to release the cards nationally. Thus was a collector's item born.
While the original set of trading cards sells for prices far beyond my means, a reprint edition that came out around the time of Tim Burton's generally disappointing film version is much more affordable. Best of all, that series included new cards painted by Zina Saunders, daughter of Norm Saunders, who painted the 55 originals.
The interview with Brown was phenomenal, but only a small handful of his quotes appeared in my sidebar story timed for release around the time of M. Night Shyamalan's SIGNS. I always hoped to someday find a home for Brown's comments, which were (and are) probably of interest to MARS ATTACKS fanatics.
If you're predisposed to like things like this...
...then click here to read the interview in its entirety.
For example, an interview I had with Len Brown has been rotting on my hard drive for five years -- until today. Brown was one of the guiding forces behind MARS ATTACKS, a 55-card trading set released in 1962 by Topps, the company famous for baseball cards.
MARS ATTACKS rocketed to notoriety by featuring painted depictions of a brutal alien invasion. Some of the images were pretty strong stuff for a set of cards aimed at kids, and after some backlash from the public, Topps abandoned its plans to release the cards nationally. Thus was a collector's item born.
While the original set of trading cards sells for prices far beyond my means, a reprint edition that came out around the time of Tim Burton's generally disappointing film version is much more affordable. Best of all, that series included new cards painted by Zina Saunders, daughter of Norm Saunders, who painted the 55 originals.
The interview with Brown was phenomenal, but only a small handful of his quotes appeared in my sidebar story timed for release around the time of M. Night Shyamalan's SIGNS. I always hoped to someday find a home for Brown's comments, which were (and are) probably of interest to MARS ATTACKS fanatics.
If you're predisposed to like things like this...
...then click here to read the interview in its entirety.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Beware the slizzle
I added a word to my weather lexicon today: Slizzle.
It refers to a combination of sleet and drizzle. Apparently, that explanation is too long winded for breezy television weather forecasters. Slizzle is what fell Sunday night in my area, leading to slippery roads and lots of school children's (and more than a few teachers') dreams of a day without class.
If you Google slizzle, beware. It is also urban slang for something you won't want to mention in front of grandma, even if she's really cool.
Slizzle, in the weather sense, accomplished its mission in parts of northeast Ohio, where many schools canceled today. It was less successful here in Stark County, where one might be tempted to say that slizzle fizzled.
It refers to a combination of sleet and drizzle. Apparently, that explanation is too long winded for breezy television weather forecasters. Slizzle is what fell Sunday night in my area, leading to slippery roads and lots of school children's (and more than a few teachers') dreams of a day without class.
If you Google slizzle, beware. It is also urban slang for something you won't want to mention in front of grandma, even if she's really cool.
Slizzle, in the weather sense, accomplished its mission in parts of northeast Ohio, where many schools canceled today. It was less successful here in Stark County, where one might be tempted to say that slizzle fizzled.
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